


I Want to Feel Safe

by Honey_Hued_Hermes



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: :(, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Bittersweet, Bokuto Koutarou is a Good Boyfriend, Can be read as gen buuuut, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, This Is STUPID, they boyfs, this is very ooc, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24784024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honey_Hued_Hermes/pseuds/Honey_Hued_Hermes
Summary: Akaashi's mother isn't always good.Akaashi can't handle it- not alone anyways.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 5
Kudos: 126





	I Want to Feel Safe

**Author's Note:**

> This is (unedited) garbage!!!!!!!  
> Sorry that p much everything i post is a vent i succ  
> Regardless!! I hope you like it!

It started as with something as simple as a bad day. Not unusual for Akaashi and he knew how to deal with it.

It started like this, a long day spent in bed, music filling the space in his head as he drowned out the world around him. Limbs full of lead and a heavy heart made it harder to do anything more.

It started like this, an off-hand comment from his mother-“ _so nothings going to happen because you're inept”_ \- and a quiet dinner. Akaashi didn't eat much, pushing the food around his plate absentmindedly trying not to dwell too long on the harsh comment.

It started like this, chores, as everyone in the house does. He tried to focus on the music, the beat, the rhythm, the melody of his music, anything but the sounds of the world around him. Anything but the hot water running across his hands, anything but the clatter of dishes within the sink, anything but the feel of the sponge in his hands as he began the slow process of washing the dishes.

It took longer, much longer, than it should have. An hour in and he had barley finished what was in the sink to begin with. Akaashi's mind felt numb, a heavy feeling as he flickered in and out of reality- _you're not real_ \- his hands moved automatically, wash, rinse, dry, repeat. 

It started like this, he couldn't finish the dishes, he couldn't breath, he couldn't. He needed a break, just a short one mind you, but a break nonetheless. Akaashi made his way up the stairs to his room, trying to ignore his mothers angry tone- “ _Get back here!”_ \- he felt unsteady, as if his legs would give out at any moment. Jagged breathing, a hand on the wall, tears pooling in his eyes. An anxiety attack, awesome, cool, he could deal with this. Breath, in, hold, out, repeat. Easy, simple, done.

Except not. Footsteps clamoured up the stairs. And he could feel her rage before she was in his sight, “Finish the dishes,” his mother snapped, voice scraping against his brain like nails on a chalkboard.

Akaashi felt himself nod, heard himself stutter out a quiet argument that  _I will, just give me a minute, please leave_ not even trying to mask his growing panic _._ His mother didn't move, “I don't know if I can trust you,” she said. And Akaashi felt his voice break y _ou can, obviously you can._

She left and he shut the door behind her before stumbling his way onto his bed.  
Inhale, hold, exhale. Focus and breath.

It started like this, his mother was also having a bad day and, with her being who she is, she couldn't let him off the hook that easily. She stormed back in, a hurricane of a woman, her voice echoed in his head, loud, angry, sharp, danger, danger, danger. Akaashi felt his nerves blaze, scalding and icy as he felt his panic rise.- _Please leave, leave, fucking, leave me alone, please_ \- hysterical screams melting into broken pleas.

It didn't stop, and she was so loud and so close, too close and too loud and too much and it hurt, it hurt and he was on fire, he was melting, Akaashi's mind dissolved. He stopped processing the words being spat at him-” _you're making this worse!_ ”- and the absolute terror of the moment engulfed him completely. His pitiful begging stopped and in its place he screamed. A guttural sound hastily broken by a chocked sob as his lungs ached to keep up. Another scream, another sob. Blood-curdling wailing only found in movies ripped its way through his body and she still didn't stop. Akaashi curled in on himself, arms wrapped tightly around his stomach, shoulders hunched. _Why wouldn't she stop!_

Seconds, minutes, hours past. He didn't know but his mother eventually left. The only evidence that anything had even happened was a boy shaking on his bed, choked gasps and muffled sobs as he tried to quiet his seemingly endless breakdown. A shuddering breath in with an aching chest and Akaashi had to _get out, he had to leave, getoutgetoutgetout._ He shot to his feet, legs and hands trembling like autumn leaves on a windy day. His mind was still fuzzy, still set in the thick fog of a panic attack, still racing with the one track though of _get out, get out, get somewhere safe, you're not safe here._

Akaashi blinked and he was no longer in his room, no longer on his block. Chest still heaving and tears running down his face, stumbling through the darkened streets, no doubt looking like a mess. He couldn't bring himself to care, couldn't bring himself to focus on anything other than the screaming in his mind.

He knocked on a door, the door and his mind chanted _safesafesafe._ The door creaked open and Akaashi all but broke down again when he saw, furrowed brows, worried, sleep filled eyes the colour of gold, “Akaashi?”

Akaashi's chest felt tight again and he couldn't get out more than a few broken noises that can only be described as whimpers. Bokuto sleep filled haze was quickly shattered by concern as he ushered Akaashi into his house before quickly leading leading him to his room. Bokuto didn't know what to do, Akaashi, who was normally composed and quiet and _not_ crying was here, eyes red and frantic, face blotchy and tear-stained, and Bokuto was at a loss of what to do.

“Hey,” he started, keeping his voice low and soft, “C'mere, sit and breathe,”

Akaashi's eyes flickered to him as he sat on Bokuto's, their normal cool-steal colour now resembling storm clouds. Bokuto hesitated, just for a moment, before carefully bringing Akaashi's hand to rest on his chest, keeping his own hand splayed over top, “Feel my breathing?” He inhaled, “Try and follow it, okay?”

It didn't take long for Akaashi's breathing to even out, “Do you need anything?” Bokuto asked, doing his best to keep his voice soft, “uh, water? Food?”

Akaashi's hand flexed, now fisting Bokuto's shirt, “Can-” his breath hitched, voice shaky, “Can I have a hug?”

Bokuto scooped him up, arms wrapping around him like a blanket as he dragged Akaashi into his lap, chin resting in top of his head. Bokuto felt Akaashi melt against him, arms moving to wipe the tears of his face, “I'm sorry to bother you, especially at this time of night,”

Bokuto tightened his grip, burying his face in Akaashi's neck, reveling in the way it sent a shiver down his spine, “You're never bothering me Keiji,” he murmured.

He felt Akaashi's arm wrap around his middle and he hummed in content, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Akaashi sighed, finally feeling the last remnants of the attack leave his body, head aching in the aftermath, “Not right now,”

Bokuto hummed again and laid them down, shutting off his light on the way down and simply held him.

And Akaashi was warm and calm and _safe._

**Author's Note:**

> Questions? I am more than willing to overshare on the interent!  
> Comments? Please give me all of them!  
> Wanna talk? IG @honey_hued_helios 
> 
> Love you!!!! <3 Pls take care of yourself!!!


End file.
